Equestrian/fitness humblebrags

Not only am I huge fan of the Horse Nation equestrian-style of comedy, I am also a huge fan of comedy in general.  One day while listening to the podcast Comedy Bang Bang, "Parks and Recreation" writer, Harris Wittels, introduced me to the humblebrag and my life was forever changed.  Urban dictionary defines humblebrag as:

"Subtly letting others now about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or "woe is me" gloss."

Since discovering the humblebrag, I've made somewhat of a hobby of sarcastically humblebragging and calling others out on their own humblebragginess.  For today's Fit to Ride, I've come up with some fitness/equestrian humblebrags that I would like to use my expertise to interpret for you.

The humblebrag: "WTF, man!  Now that I've lost weight, all my breeches are baggy."

Interpretation:  "Hey!  Don't I look awesome?!  I really look awesome!"

Photo from Etsy.com

The humblebrag: "My arms are looking so manly from lugging around hay and water buckets all the time."

Interpretation: "My arms look so good Evangaline Lily would be jealous."

Photo from solitaryphoenix.com

The humblebrag:  "Ugh!  My abs are so sore from sitting my horse's gigantic trot!"

Interpretation:  "My horse is incredibly gifted...probably the next Totilas, and not only do I get to ride that magnificent beast, but I have a six-pack from doing so."

Photo from www.wbfsh.org

The humblebrag: "I have such a hard time finding breeches that fit.  My legs are just too long and skinny."

Interpretation: "I'm an Amazonian goddess with legs that go forever!"

The humblebrag:  "It's so hot down here in 'Slow-cala'!"

Interpretation: "Yep.  I'm in Ocala and you're stuck in the cold b&$ches!!"

Photo from USeventing.com

Go riding!

Fit to ride 5k Challenge!

Hey there, Horse Nation.

We're a couple weeks into the New Year and I'm betting that some of you are already starting to lose steam on your fitness related resolutions.  Well here is what I'd like you to do. Log on to the world wide interwebs and Google 5k races in your area.  Find one that is a month or two out and sign up...right now.  Some may say that the fear of public embarrassment is the best sort of motivation, but if you are completely lacking shame, like myself, a concrete goal is a much better option.

So perhaps you've never been much of a runner and have no clue where to begin when training for a 5k.  Well fear not!  A 5k (3.1 miles) is a very manageable distance and a reasonably healthy adult can prepare for one by running/walking as little as 3 times a week.

Here is a plan I made for myself to follow since I was just cleared to run again after a knee injury (:-D).

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Week 1	Stretching	Rest	Run 1 mile	Rest	Run 1 mile	Cross train	Run 2 miles
Week 2	Stretching	Rest	Run 1.5 miles	Rest	Run 1.5 miles	Cross train	Run 2 miles
Week 3	Stretching	Rest	Run 2 miles	Rest	Run 2 miles	Cross train	Run 2.5 miles
Week 4	Stretching	Rest	Run 2 miles	Rest	Run 2 miles	Cross train	Run 2.5 miles
Week 5	Stretching	Rest	Run 2.5 miles	Rest	Run 2.5 miles	Cross train	Run a 5k!

Stretching: While it is important to stretch before and after each run, on your "stretching" days spend a full 15-30 minutes devoted just to getting loose.

Rest: I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but it is important to give your muscles a chance to recover, so kick off those running shoes, slip into your slippers, and sink into your couch for a "Heartland" marathon.

Running: For those of you completely new to running, I would advise alternating between 2 minutes of running and 1 minute of walking.  Those with a little more experience can just go for it.  Maybe it's just because I'm the slow and steady type, but I tend not to worry so much about my speed or my time, but rather focus on completing the run I had planned.  It's all about going the distance.  You can use websites/apps like Map My Run to plan your routes.

Cross-training: On your cross-training days, participate in a form of physical activity other than running.  I'm assuming most of you ride once a week, so count that as your cross-training!

5k:  On the day of your 5k, eat a healthy, light breakfast, give your body a good stretch, and then let your training shine through.  Don't forget to smile and have fun because you are doing something great for your body! 

Go riding!!!

Ask a rabbit: Avoiding junk food at work

"Dear Pi,

I recently transitioned to healthy diet and have pretty much eliminated junk food from my at-home eating habits. The only issue is that at work, my boss frequently rewards good work with boxes of donuts and giant bowls of candy. I'm great at not buying junk food, but I find myself pretty helpless when it is presented to me. Please help!

- On The Timeclock Binger

Hey there OTTB. This is a very difficult issue that many of us face.  I for one, am completely helpless in the face of yogurt bites. Over the years, however, I have developed some great coping mechanisms that enable me to make better choices when confronted with delicious looking junkfood (like that cheesepuff Mom just dropped on the floor).

First off, eat a good breakfast rich in protein and low in sugar and simple carbohydrates. The only thing that separates simple carbs from sugar are a few covalent bonds, so from a dietary standpoint it's best to treat them as the same thing. Eating food high in sugar causes your blood sugar level to spike and then crash.  These crashes are what lead to the sudden cravings and pangs of hunger that can make those unhealthy treats look so good.  I personally avoid sugar because it makes me gassy, and after a great deal of experimentation I've found the extra gas propulsion does not improve my hopping ability as I hypothesized.  Mom has been eating mini frittatas for breakfast these days and says she will post the recipe on the "Fit to Ride" Facebook page later this week.

Next, your going to want to be sure you're staying hydrated.  In the winter time it can be tough to remember to drink, but it is just as important as in the hot weather. Caffeine free teas are a great option on those really cold days when a cool glass of water doesn't seem appealing.

From noliesradio.org

Lastly, you are going to want to arm yourself with healthy snacks so you have a better option when confronted with unhealthy food.  Whenever I'm having a craving I turn to my treat log.

From squidoo.com

Now I realize that you humans may not find a treat log all that appealing, but the filling inside is made up of seeds and dried fruit. I believe you guys have something similar called trail mix.  Be sure to get a trail mix that is completely made of nuts, seeds, and dried fruit.  Avoid things like chocolate and pretzels.  Most grocery stores have a bulk section with some great trail mix options.  Whole fruits and vegetables, like apples and carrots, are also great snacking options.  I sometimes get a little too into the whole carrot thing, but it's better than donuts.

Well OTTB.  I hope that advice is useful.  Thanks for writing.  If anyone else out there in Horse Nation has a health or fitness question, please post it to the "Fit to Ride" Facebook page using the hashtag #askarabbit.

Go riding!!!